Rants and Wisdom
I have been suffering from “Imposter Syndrome.” You know, the feeling/fear when you are convinced that you don’t know what you are doing and at ANY MOMENT you will be found out for the imposter, the rookie, the beginner that you are sure, deep down inside, that you are.
As Carl Richards wrote in the New York Times describing his own moment with this syndrome:
“…. you are probably going to run into this thing, this fear that you’re bumping up against the limits of your ability. Then, the voice inside your head may start saying things like:
- “Who gave you permission to do that?”
- “Do you have a license to be an artist?”
It’s at the moment when you’re most vulnerable that all your doubts come crashing in around you.”
Ah, perfectly put. As I begin my 30th year as a professional business owner, I am embarking on a new, small, minuscule, “unimportant” business. I put it that way so when it blows up I won’t feel too badly. As many of you might know, I have finally launched a new online store for my watercolors. E-commerce!!
I feel like I am bombarded every day on social media with the super successful pursuits of others. I can get exhausted just reading some of them. Even my own firstborn is involved in a start-up business. Don’t ask me what he does — all I ever say is, “Something to do with software and hardware technology and making camera “widgets” in Hong Kong.”
I have written before about how I sketch and where I sketch. And even a bit of why I sketch. I sketch for me. Not to sell and never for one minute did I think that this would ever make any money. Yet year after year, there were those who knew what I was doing who asked for a few notecards or suggested a collection-type mini book. So I did that. Truly, my wonderful CFO here at my architectural firm would look at the watercolor expenditures versus the income and could barely keep from rolling her eyes. Understood. So, logically, if I would just tell a few more people, let a few more people know about the watercolors, if I would just sell and market, I might sell a few more. True that.
But, wait…Then I would have to put it out there. I would have to expose myself and my art and what if… they are no good?